“The irrational fear of not being found, when trapped in a situation, is one of the most paralyzing fears of all time.”
Have you ever thought about getting stranded at a place? From where you can see the world, but the world can’t see you. You want to move but you can’t, the situation has engulfed you, and the only solution is to wait, wait for the help to arrive, wait for someone to notice you, wait until someone feels your absence.
I have experienced it. Not a very long time ago, I got stuck in my own house. You must be wondering how can someone get stuck in their own home. My answer is yes, you can. Wait till you read my full story.
One day after dropping my in-laws and my husband for a meditation session after office, I came back home. I unlocked my house and started cleaning up the mess we create in the morning while leaving for office. I realized that I have not picked up the dustbin’s from outside while coming inside the house. I unlocked the gate and started picking up the two dustbins. Before I could even realize, the strong wind current closed the door on my face.
So here I was standing outside my house with no mobile phone, no keys, nothing. And most importantly no friendly neighbors for any help. I kept standing there for almost 5-10 minutes analyzing my situation and understanding what a fool I am, not to put a door stopper before venturing outside the door.
Then a not so brilliant idea struck my mind. I moved towards the staircase that leads to the rooftop of my building. My apartment is on the topmost floor, so I thought maybe I could jump into my balcony and from there I can try opening my balcony door. On reaching the rooftop, I realized that the height differences between two floors in more than 9ft, which is quite high to jump from, for a nonathletic person like me. I started looking for an option to decrease this height; then I saw the awning. Leaping from canopy would reduce the height difference to almost 2.5 to 3.5 ft. So I footed myself on it and jumped into my balcony, nearly spraining my ankle.
Now standing on my porch, I realized that a few days ago my dear husband decided to add a security gate to the sliding doors of my balcony, to enhance the house security for me. Opening this gate without any device, for an amateur thief like me was next to impossible. But I still tried, inserting my hands in the columns gaps between the gate to open the bolted door. I kept banging the door in the hope that maybe the bolt would loosen up due to force, but nothing happened. I kept trying for almost an hour, taking breaks in between. After that, I accepted my situation and decided to wait for my husband to come back from his meditation center.
I sat on the balcony floor amongst dozens of mosquitoes, waiting. Waiting for the situation to change. Waiting for someone, to click the door open. Waiting to hear my husband’s voice. Waiting for life to occur to me. Waiting for the frame to change the color and bring the brightness back. Until then I always considered myself as a loner, I always enjoy my time being alone with myself. But that day I realized the meaning of these line by Wayne Cordeiro “Solitude is a chosen separation for refining your soul. Isolation is what you crave when you neglect the first.”
I understood how being alone with myself at my chosen time is a like a delicacy, to cherish. While on the other hand the imposed isolation due to the situation, is a total disaster. That day lying on that roof floor I found a new aspect of my personality, that, I am not someone who can live in total loneliness. I need people around me not many but at least one. That person may not talk to me, but the presence itself is so reassuring for me. Also, I realized how even after living my life out of parent’s home for almost ten years, I never decided to take a single seater room or never ventured into the idea of living alone.
I don’t know how many thoughts went through my mind in that span of three and half hours of isolation. But there came a time in my mind when all ideas stopped coming, and my mind went into a blank state of thoughtlessness.
And then the door clicked and there entered my husband. I stood up, dusted up myself, and called out his name. He looked through the balcony door, perplexed and opened the doors for me. I didn’t know what I said to him when he asked me what happened, the only thing I remember is hugging him and crying profusely like a baby. All the despair, anger, frustration and pain got washed away in those tears. And I snuggled close to him, for a very long time.
PS: Have you ever had any such experience in your life. If yes, then do share. Or have you seen or heard someone sharing any such experience, then you can share that too.