The Other side of the Fence: Dealing with Death

How someone can help a family dealing with a death of loved one. You might learn something and correct your behavior for future.

Sreedom of Expression

candle‘Death’ was the last word in my dictionary of sunshine and happiness when I was handed a word puzzle. I arranged the letters and it spelt : D E A T H. Disbelief followed a heart-wrenching, gut-wrenching feeling of helplessness. I looked and re-looked at the lifeless, cold body that I once called my husband. People spoke of responsibilities as a mother, some spoke about the soul being around always, but above all what stood in front of me was Death.

Dealing with death is the most difficult part of survival. Nothing helps, believe me, NOTHING helps. But yet as I came face to face with death I realised that having a helpful and rational bunch of people around, always helps – not to ease the pain but to reduce the after-effect – the trauma that follows. One big truth that I have come to realise is the effect of…

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Before venturing into the journey of Vipassana

vipassana

16th June 2018,
Seven days before the final day

Today, exactly a week before going for vipassana meditation, I am writing this piece to capture my emotions before venturing into something so new and different in my life. I have tried various meditative forms before, some with trained people following a discourse, some by reading multiple books on mediation, and some with the help of youtube videos and music. Though this is my first time going into extreme isolation to try mediation. It is going to be tough to follow a strict regime, but the toughest part would be observing total silence, as you all know I am a very loquacious person. There are days when I feel very anxious about the whole process, but then the eternal optimist inside me comes to fore-front and eases my uneasiness. When I first told my parents that I would be going for this program, my mother’s reaction was why don’t you come home instead of going for the program. And I had to explain to her that I need this program to get closer to my inner self. My husband is pleased that I have finally decided to go because it’s been more than four years that I have been thinking about doing it. I am not sure what I am trying to get through it, but I am hoping that it will bring something to my personality not immediately but in a longer time span. I love the different reactions that people give when I share my plan with them. Most people think I won’t be able to do it because they think I can’t curb my desire to speak. But then they don’t know about my willpower. My brother keeps poking and saying that I will come running back within first three days and I keep reminding him that I am not someone who runs away from situations and that I never leave things in the middle. I think this is making me more determined to try my best for those ten days. I think I will do fine there.

22nd June 2018,
A day before the D-Day.

I am feeling a bit nervous right now because of all the traveling and packing. But I am feeling much calmer inside regarding my stay for the program. I somewhat feel exactly same as I thought 2-3 days before my wedding day. In India, Wedding functions start 2-3 days before the wedding, so the only time you get for your self is before all the hullabaloo begin. I am ready to go with the flow, and I am not assuming or expecting anything out of my stay. I am not thinking or visualizing my visit there. I am a planner by nature and try to imagine my things in my head before I plunge in for anything. But there are instances in my life, or I must say the most significant events of my life are the ones where I didn’t plan anything. I must say I have enjoyed those moments when I haven’t prepared much or when I have gone with the flow. Broadly I am happy to get away from the chaos of life, especially on the work front. I haven’t taken any break from work since December, so this is going to be a change. I am looking forward to whatever the program has to offer me. I and my husband, frequently discuss his experience in 2016 for the same program. He keeps telling me that it might happen that I don’t feel anything at all in the program or I might struggle a lot during the process, the primary thing is not to get frustrated by the circumstances and the struggle. The only note in my head is “Don’t Quit.” And for the rest, time will tell 🙂

23rd June 2018,
D-Day

I am late as per my set standard time for the new journey. I am in total anxiety, and I fret all way long that whether I will be able to reach on time. If you don’t know by now, that let me tell you that I am genetically clocked to be punctual. It’s in my blood. Hence I reach every single place before time, and I dislike being late for an appointment or journey. Looking out of the window, I think of the voyage within that I have taken so far in search of my inner self and then my thoughts wander on to the upcoming Odyssey of next days. Will I able to reach my spiritual home, whether this time I will find what I am looking for through this mediation program. I am sleepy also because at this hour on the weekend I am sprawling on the bed with my books, but here I was traveling miles for the wisdom of words taught by a man 2500 years ago. We get stuck in some traffic, and I realize that maybe this time I am going to arrive late for this new venture. But we get out of it in time, and we are again on the highway, I realize I haven’t spoken a word since we left home, and it hit me, that after all keeping noble silence for ten days won’t be a problem. There will be much more significant challenges than that in this journey. After I a while I hold my husband’s hand and drowse off on his shoulder, realizing that I will be missing this warmness in the upcoming days. And when I woke up, he informs me that we are almost there and in few minutes we enter the premise of Vipassana Center in Markal, Pune. When I got out, I realized, I am finally at peace.

To be Continued ……

PS: I will be sharing some more blogs about my recent Vipassana meditation experience. Keep reading all the blogs I would be sharing in next few days regarding my whole experience. Your comments are appreciated, feel free to leave your feedback.

 

The other side of the Fence: Helping through Hospitalization

Some journey’s are painful and heart breaking, but their is always a lesson inside each one of them. Sharing my friend Sri’s thoughtful post.

Sreedom of Expression

hospital

One month to be precise, when I lost my husband. But the month included hours, minutes, seconds and zillions of nano seconds of that kind of intense pain which has no name. Within sixty days we have dealt with an intensely grueling hospital experience and a heart shattering death of our most loved one. Sympathies, help, kind words, support – we were never short of warmth. And it brought in myriad experiences as well. Surpassing the body blow that we received, there were many lessons we learnt. At one point my cousin who had faced a sudden death of her mother about a decade ago pointed out how she had to battle all the difficulties on her own without any support. That got me thinking. There are many moments when we are at the other side of the fence – at times feeling helpless as to how we should ideally…

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A Gift Of Lifetime

Relax.Enjoy a cup.Smile.

“Watch and pray, dear, never get tired of trying, and never think it is impossible to conquer your fault.”
Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

A powerful message for all the little children to imbibe. To instill an idea in young mind that its ok to accept your faults and you can always work on getting rid of those flaws. In a time where, every other person around you is just saying the opposite, trying to preach that your weird habits will stick with you, forever. In such an hour to have something so enlightening to read, is a bliss.

The Little women series is an institute of learning for every single child. This book can help in ways that sometimes parents are not able to do. It talks to children in a way they understand. It understands that they are little, but respects the fact that they are individuals with their respective rights. It gives them wings, ideas, and perspective what life is all about without even trying to do so.

I have often noticed that in adults reading good books increases their horizon and broadens their perspective, but in children, it shapes their character. Bringing up a child is a big feat, you have to make sure that your child is fit for leading a good life. The real success is making a good human being out of a little soul.

I assume that even Louisa May Alcott wouldn’t have predicted such massive appreciation for this beautiful book. Written in the 18th century and still among the most sought-after book for children and teenagers. The book is an epitome of goodness and teachings that every parent struggle to teach their kids. It is so subtle and beautiful in its way that every single chapter takes your heart away.

I was a decade behind in reading this treasure. I admit I envy all those people who read this book in their formative years unlike me. I read this gem last year in September, making it one of the best birthday gift I ever gave to myself. This book invoked gamut of emotions in me. In one chapter I was giggling and chuckling at the stupid things the girls were doing, while in other I was bawling my eyes out with the pain the girls were going through in their life. It took me back to my childhood. Such incredible lessons about life are given in such simple ways that it surprises you. I must alert you right here that if you haven’t read this book till now, you are living under a rock. So stop reading this post and get your copy first and read this marvelous piece of writing. Read it, you never know the change it may bring in you.

“I’ve got the key to my castle in the air, but whether I can unlock the door remains to be seen.”
Louisa May Alcott, Little Women